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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Delivering an incendiary accusation, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt warned on Thursday that “an invasion force of migrants” is smuggling math across the US-Mexico border.

“They are bringing textbooks, calculators, and slide rules into our country, hoping to get America’s children hooked on math,” she said.

“President Trump has made a strong commitment to protect our country from math, whatever it takes,” she added.

Claiming that the nation was suffering from a “math epidemic,” Leavitt refused to disclose how many math-smuggling migrants have invaded the US thus far, noting, “Using numbers is exactly what they want us to do.”

Will Pam Bondi Go to Prison?

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After FBI agents arrested Milwaukee Circuit Court Judge Hannah Dugan, Bondi said on Fox that this action was “sending a very strong message.” Yes, Pam, and that message is, this country is being ruled by fascist traitors. Read more here.

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